Sleep Achieved

I don’t have much time to write.  Just a quick update, in case you were wondering.  I did get a good night’s sleep last night.  Lunesta is my best friend.

Soccer tonight . . .

Sleep Routine – FAIL

I’m continuing to have sleep issues and insomnia, so I decided to make every effort to do everything possible to put myself to sleep last night. I got home from recording before 10.

• I responded to all the texts in my inbox, and then I switched my phone to vibrate.  I plugged it into the charger away from the bed.  Normally I keep the phone with me through the night so that I can check my email first thing when I wake up, but not last night.
• I lit candles throughout my apartment, and turned off all the lights.
• I sprayed lavender and vanilla sheet spray on my bed.
• I turned on my water fountain with wind chime sound effects.
• I took a melatonin supplement.
• I made myself a glass of warm lactose milk.
• I sat on the couch, in the candle light, sipping my milk, and listening to the sounds of the fountain.
• I took a really hot candle lit shower.
• I finished my milk and brushed my teeth.
• I laid down on the floor of my apartment, and stretched every part of my body while listening to the fountain sounds.
• I covered the clock in the apartment, so that I wouldn’t stare at it when I couldn’t sleep and stress myself out by watching how late it was getting.
• I meditated
• I went to bed around 10:45.
• I covered my eyes with a lavender filled sleep mask.

And then I laid there.   And I laid there.   And I imagined myself riding on a BART train, since I always fall asleep on BART.  And my entire body felt like numb lead.  My limbs were heavy, and I felt as if I was melting into my bed.

And I was wide awake, and thinking about the fact that I couldn’t sleep.

Eventually I drifted off for a little while, but I didn’t stay asleep.  In fact, the only reason I knew that I had slept at all was that I had been dreaming and I was drooling a little bit.   I kept nodding off and waking up all night.

I got up this morning feeling only slightly more rested then I had the previous nights.

So, if you want to give me some advice as to how I could fall asleep . . . . well, just don’t.    I don’t want to hear it.    I really have made every effort and tried just about 10 different things that are supposed to be “sure fire”.

Tonight, I’m going to pick up the prescription of Lunesta my doctor called in for me.  After band practice, I’m going to take one, and I’m going to get a full nights’ sleep.  Deep, restful, sleepless, druggy sleep.

And I have no problem with that, and I don’t want to talk about it.

Just sayin’.

Awake Again. . . Still

So, my intermittent sleep issues have reared their ugly heads again.   I’m reasonably sure that I can easily trace this evenings troubles back to the source.    

I stayed up quite late last night, talking about everything, which as you know is really nothing.  And nothingness is everything.  

So, I laid down about an hour ago, and I started replaying the conversation, and it’s all swimming around in my head.  And I wondered what the next one is going to be about.  

Then I started worrying about my family.   And, well, that’s totally pointless, isn’t it?

So then I realized that I was hungry, and I was thinking about the bag of avocados I picked up at the grocery yesterday.  They’re on my shelf . . . . taunting me.   

Then I wondered about next Friday’s soccer game, because I’m obsessed with my soccer team right now.   We lose every game, but it’s so much fun running around and sweating like a kid again.  And I was hoping maybe I could convince some more of my friends to come watch me play.

Of course, then I started thinking about coloring my hair fluorescent pink, again.   Trying to imagine what everyone’s reaction to that would be.    

Do you know how much I want to go to England again, but I’m not sure I can afford it, but I’m just going to say “fuck it” and do it anyway.

And I hope that they like the lyrics I started to write, and maybe my bandmates can turn it into something less cheesy than it is right now.

And then I was thinking that I hadn’t written a really good blog in quite some time, because every time I do, I just think they sound whiney.    And I want something that’s just awesomely funny to happen, that’s also not terribly personal, so I can write it up here.

Everything is personal right now, and I start thinking about friends new and old and all the crazy life changing shit that we’re all in the middle of right now.  All of it just swirling around us all, and swallowing us up.  New babies, babies on the way, soccer teams, band drama, weddings to plan, websites to build, places to go, dancing to do, music to make, goals to score or block, and what to write, and will it ever make a difference at all.  

And it’s all just going round and round, and I’m not sleeping, but I’ve got it out a little now, haven’t I?    And maybe when I go back to my bed, it’ll stay here in this blog, and I can pick it up again tomorrow.

And maybe I’ll have a sweet, sweet dream.   And maybe I’ll have some avocado for breakfast.  

Maybe.

Just sayin’.

Relaxing

I’m exhausted, yet wide awake.  I’m relaxing by erasing old emails from old boyfriends.  Bye bye, PF!  Bye Bye, Creep!  Bye Bye, D’Bag!  

 

Why didn’t I do this sooner?

Here We Are Again

It’s two in the morning, and I can’t sleep.  I have a big weekend ahead of me, and I can’t get it out of my head. 

This weekend is Queen Bee’s wedding, and I’m the maid of honor.  I’ve got the dress, and the shoes.  I sort of have an outline of a toast in my head should the need arise.   It’s up in Tahoe, so I’ll be heading out straight from work to drive up their on Friday.   We, the womens, are going out on Friday night.   Should be odd, considering half the party is pregnant.  What is there to do in Tahoe when you’re with child or with some someones who are with child?   

So, the wedding is Saturday afternoon.  Since I don’t have any extra cash, and don’t have a place to crash up their the night of, I’m planning on coming home afterwards.

Just in time to catch Maldroid.  

Now all I need to do is get some sleep between now and then.

Maybe venting has helped . . .

Insomnia is Expensive

OK, so I can’t sleep. I’m still mildly sinus infected and/or dealing with whatever that was at the beginning of last week, and recovering from my weekend get away to TJ. I should have passed out the second I hit the pillow. That would make sense. Since when have my sleeping patterns ever made sense, though.

A lot of the time when I can’t sleep, it’s because I’m obsessing on one particular thought or series of thoughts.  Sometimes it’s because I’m excited about something.  Tonight it seemed like I just had the vague sensation of having forgot something.  Like, maybe I had forgotten to think of something or obsess over it.  Maybe there was some future conversation that I hadn’t imagined yet and run through twelve hundred times in my head.    One of these days, I’m going to be better at meditating that stuff out.   Well, actually, I can meditate it out, but meditation doesn’t put me to sleep.   Me’da says it works for him, but for me, it sort of heightened relaxed state, so it’s like I’m too focused on being relaxed to be relaxed enough to fall asleep.

Whatever.  Rambling.  See this.  This is why I don’t sleep.  This is exactly what goes through my head.

Anyway, so I’m sitting here on the computer, and I’m reading blogs, and I see this one blog on Feministing about a documentary, and one of the people interviewed in the clip is an author.  Next thing you know, I’m looking her up on Amazon, and buying three books.   

Aarrrggghhhh!  I need to go to sleep before I buy any shoes.  I don’t need shoes.  I don’t.

Anyway, here’s the trailer for the documentary that started this all:

Highs & Lows

First off, I found my lucky traveling hat.  He was hiding under the couch cushions with my missing fifty cents.  Crisis averted.  I won’t have to go on a single adventure without him.  Phew!

However, my pesky insomnia, which I only wish I could lose, doesn’t seem to be taking the hint.  Get lost, insomnia.  Nobody likes you.   Nobody thinks your jokes are funny, and your breath kind of smells.

 

I’m funny when I can’t sleep, aren’t I?

 

Just sayin’.

And Now . . .

I can’t sleep.  Perfect.  Tomorrow, which is really today, is going to suck. 

 

 

 

I Give Up

I had a doctor’s appointment today, and I happened to mention that I was having a hard time sleeping.  She offered me some “sleep aids.”   I wouldn’t normally take them, but I’m just so tired.

If I don’t ever wake up again, I want you all to know that I loved you very much.

Night. Night.

Running on Fumes – still

Last night was another night of three hours of sleep.  Actually, I should say this morning was another morning of that, and it was more like 2.5 hours, I think.  I think I finally fell asleep around 6, and I woke up about 8:30.

Life would probably be easier to deal with if I could just sleep.